Three years ago today, my morning started with me and Rob waking up in a hospital. I had been in pre-term labor and I was being monitored, on bed rest, hooked up to IV’s, and hadn’t showered since Sunday. It was Thursday. The sun hadn’t come up just yet.
Within an hour, my water broke, the baby went breech, and I had to have an emergency, classic c-section.
The doctors exclaimed, “Wow, big baby!” Although, not even two pounds, she was considered big for a 24 weeker. They let us know we’d had a girl (we'd been waiting to be surprised), and then we heard her sweet little roar that let us know she could breathe on her own (though not for long, it was still AMAZING).
The next four days Rob and I stayed in the hospital while I started to heal from the c-section, and we began to process the fact that we were PARENTS and that our darling Lucie-Lyn (as we called her all the time) was going to be on a steep uphill climb to get out of that isolette in the NICU.
During this season, we were surrounded by incredible love and support from family and friends near and far. We received so many calls, emails, and texts with encouraging notes and bible verses. And I know that there were dozens of people praying for us and our precious daughter at any given time. There were moments where I could literally feel a comforting presence and I knew God was with me, and I didn’t know why all of this was happening, but I knew God had not abandoned me and my little family.
Right away, I grieved not getting to have a full pregnancy. One of my most powerful cravings during my pregnancy was milk. I just had to have a cold glass of milk once or twice a day. During our stay in the hospital, I remember that Rob triumphantly entered the room at one point with a fresh carton of milk for me. I took one sip, and the craving was gone. The connection to my pregnancy was just gone, and I wasn’t ready for that. I felt so heartbroken that my pregnancy experience was not what other mother’s got to experience. To be pregnant, and physically have a baby, but not really know what it’s like to labor and have contractions can just feel so strange! I felt like I couldn’t relate. (It can still creep up on me sometimes when I see a movie or show and there is a scene with a woman having a baby. Ahem, thanks for making me cry every episode, This is Us.)
Well, then I got this email, in response to one of the updates Rob had sent for the day. It was about how we got to touch Lucie for the first time that day. Her hands were barely as big as Rob's fingertip.
"Cannot. CAN NOT handle this email and the pics!!!!!! Made my day!!!!
I literally check my email like 10 times a day to see if an update on Lucie Lu has come in. Gahhhhhh!!!!! So proud of y'all and that precious baby girl. Continuing to pray for you all throughout the day!!!
And Drea, I will pray also for your recovery. I know from friends that day 2 and 3 of csection recovery can be tough...not only that...but you just had a baby and your body does strange things getting back to pre pregnancy. Can I get an amen for those Depends type pads things. And pumping! Holy smokes!! Welcome to the club, mama!!! And also happy tears and "holy cow what just happened tears" and "omg I love my husband and my baby tears" and "oh shit, I am bleeding tears".
Love y'all and baby girl!!!!!! Can't wait to meet her one day."
I was laughing so much as Rob read this to me, that I had to ask him to stop, because my stomach hurt from the surgery.
Welcome to the club, mama.
It was so compassionate, so funny, and SO TRUE. I could relate. I’m so thankful to my friend for sending me this, it helped me see that I wasn’t alone. It was the first time I was able to laugh after everything had happened. It was such a gift.
As I’ve said before, so many memories resurface from when Lucie was born this time of year, so I remembered this note, and just wanted to share it.
Happy Birthday Lucie-Lyn, I love getting to be your mama and loved celebrating you this weekend.
Celebrating her third birthday with a Bagel + Balloon + Blanket themed indoor picnic birthday party. She was pumped!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY
Lucille Carolyn